Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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