He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Randomize
