He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
