All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I licked your asshole in confidence.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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