Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
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