I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
