Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I just threw up on my dentist
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Randomize
