The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
