legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
