I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Randomize
