As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Randomize
