Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
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