the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
