My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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