imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
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