Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
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