she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
