So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Randomize