We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
