why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Randomize
