so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
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