his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Randomize
