What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Randomize
