I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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