in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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