i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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