Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
