you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
