Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
