I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
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