I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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