why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
