Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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