just come out here and I will go home with you...
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
