I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Randomize