She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Randomize
