i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
