Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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