she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
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