doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
