Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
