the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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