shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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