im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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