I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Randomize
