At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
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Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
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