I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
