the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
