i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
