if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
