Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Randomize
