sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
