Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
It was confusing and full of hummus
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
