i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
