Im at strip club and am horny
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Randomize
