dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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