dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize