If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
