U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
