We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
