hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
