I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize