Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Randomize
