the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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