I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
bring money and cleavage
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
