**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
