got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
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