She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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