I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
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