Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
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