just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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