Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Come see our sink grown plant.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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