We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Randomize
