Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Randomize
