Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Randomize
