matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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