Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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