She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Randomize
