I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
And the cops told us we were all naked.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Randomize