They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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