I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
