come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
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