i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
