Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize