He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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