I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Randomize
