I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
there was a trapeze. enough said
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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