I met the friendliest cop last night
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
