things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
