420 ftw
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
i just sent this text using only my big toe
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
