Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize