Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
