It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Randomize
