1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
