When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
