Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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